StoryTime(OurHero)

Our hero is surrounded by strange creatures from farout 12, a planet the other side of the barkeep nebula, known through out the universe as the best place to get the renowned pan dimensional farblurtz. Now back to the story. As the aliens closed in on our hero a gruff voice could be heard, emanating from the sewer cap. Suddenly from nowhere a large puff of red smoke appeared, and a hideous noise could be heard, kind of like a cat being shut in a door. This startled the aliens and the quickly fled back to their Space jalopy. One of the ugliest and neutron hungry spaceships around comparable to a 1977 red Buick Skylark. As the smoke subsided a dark figure could be made out. Two piercing yellow eyes look directly at our hero, it was a psycho cat from hell. This could only mean one thing. Our hero was in BIG trouble, and like the aliens were going to do anything about it. Our hero, caught in the stare of the psycho cat from hell, started to see images like he had never seen before, horrific images of death, destruction, bad drugs, and worst of all Wheel of Fortune. Slowly being consumed by the psycho cats spell , there seemed no way out. Our hero fell to the ground writhing in pain from too much of the cats evil game show reruns. Just when all seemed lost an elk walked forward out of the ether, and stunned the psycho cat from hell, just long enough for our hero to pull out his all in one remote control. Pressing the channel up button, the cat let out a scream in pain as PBS started running through its head. Quickly, before the cat could return, our hero pressed the big red button marked power. With this the cat was sucked into the remote control in a multicoloured stream of atomic particles. Before our hero had a chance to grasp his reality, the elk started to explain the reason he had shown up. It had nothing to do with the psycho cat, rather he wanted to inform our hero that the elk had had enough of their political oppression and demanded the vote in the next election. Regrettably our hero had nothing to do with politics, hell he had never even voted, for that matter. The elk continued with a long pre prepared speech about how they were being used by humans for promotional, and political reasons and have never seen anything in return. The elk swore that they would no longer take this kind of treatment and if their demands were not met they would revolt, at which point the elk dematerialized leaving a strange circular impression in the grass. What was our hero to do? Could he convince the government that the elk were serious? Would he be put in a rubber room? Maybe he shouldn't have mixed his drinks last night?

A lot of time has passed since then and the elk now have voting rights. How the worlds changed, but back to the story; Our hero, while out on a casual picnic with his girlfriend, senses trouble brewing. Before, he could do anything 3 large sloth like creatures bellied up to the bar. "HEY! how do ya get a beer around this place?" belched the smallest of the sloths. Our hero quickly ran to the bar, gave the sloths there beer and then scurried off into the back room. The sloth like creatures, not actually violent in nature, just darn cranky if they don't have a beer, hung from the rafters of the bar, and spilt most of there beer on the floor, but they were happy and wandered out the door and into the mist of a giant tear in the time space continuum. As we look back to our hero we find he has locked himself in the bars cooler. Could this be the end? Get real . Our hero remembered that in a different episode he had a remote control, well he pulled it from his pocket and pressed the power button at which point a jdidy8u c at a attacked me while I was typing. and the psycho cat from hell was released, into the room with our hero. The cat was not to terribly happy with our hero but that was of little concern. The cat was use to a nice hot climate, and this cold stuff was for the birds. So he jumped at the door and successfully managed to claw through it, and disappears. There was but one problem now the hole in the door was only large enough for a cat to fit through. Our hero in his infinite wisdom turned the remote control on himself and entered CAT on the keypad, as he pressed the T key, a burst of energy was released from the remote and knocked our hero on his ass. He had not turned into a cat and couldn't fit through the hole in the door. In a flash of brilliance he garbed the door handle and opened it walking back to his picnic while eating a baloney sandwich. Now, picnicking next to a cosmic tear can be a beautiful sight, however ranks amongst one of the stupidest things to do in your spare time. Our hero while reaching for the potato salad discovered that the tear had engulfed him. The reality was a tad on the weird side and next thing you Know our hero was checking in at the Hilton. As our hero went through the door he saw two strange fellows and a large salamander at the check in desk. Soon, the sauna was full and our hero decided to see what other dysfunctional mind disease would be out there. As our hero past the check in desk he noticed that he still had the remote control, and the salamander seemed to be having some problems with his room. Being the kind considerate fellow he was, our hero decided he had to butt into the salamanders problems, and learned he had been put in a smoking room as he wanted, but he didn't expect the place to be on fire to supply him with smoke, after all he brought his own, smokes, not fire. Our hero couldn't do a damn thin about that so he took off through the front doors and found that reality was not right there were no other people to be seen on the street except for one corpse slung snugly in the jaws of what looked like a large plasticine Godzilla like thing. Could it be that our hero wasn't a person, how could this happen. It had during his trip through time/space he had merged with the potato salad. He had become quite literally a potato head. Our hero had become potato man, entirely constructed from potatoes. This is probably a good thing since Godzilla doesn't eat potatoes. It did rather throw our hero for a bit of a loop, since nobody had said a thing, actually it seemed to be the norm. as he wandered down the strip. About half way to the casino, two dogs wearing sunglasses, stopped our hero, and inquired if he needed a bitch. Our hero being such an upstanding citizen, was taken aback by this question, as they probably meant a real bitch, and what does a potato do with a dog. It isn't zoopilia, or is it. Well he replied I don't really need one right now, thanks. As soon as he had had uttered the first syllable, both dogs disappeared in a familiar puff of blue smoke. On to the casino he thought, he checked his pockets for some money, and found being a potato had some disadvantages, one was finding your pockets. After a successful search our hero pulled 10 coin like things from his pocket, each one had a different symbol on it. This shouldn't be to hard to figure out, the small coins are probably worth less. A reasonable hypothesis. It was two more blocks before he would be at the casino. The blocks seemed to be awfully long in this world, so he stop for a quick one at the closest bar. What do potatoes drink. After just kinda passin through the wall he found himself belly up to the bar, a petit young grasshopper, was eyeing him from the table behind him. He asked the bartender, a short stubby kind of moev blob for a drink menu. With a one eyed stare that could kill a lobster he looked deep at our hero, and paused with a question. If you are a potato, which eyes do you see with? What a question, thinking about it our hero began to notice that grasshopper, and told the barkeep, he could see through which ever eye he put his mind to. With that the bartender oozed off and brought back a menu. Couldn't understand a damn thing written on it. What did that Beetle over in the corner want, cheap sex, or maybe she only wanted our hero for his body, was it even a she, hard to say with beetles even large ones. He pointed to #5 and once again the bartender oozed away returning a shade of green, and with a glass of orange liquid that fizzed and smoked like a guiser. Placed on the bar and our hero tossed a coin at the blob. It just kind of stuck there, on his head like a wad of paper. As it sank into his body, which had returned to its natural moev state, two coins appeared on the other side of his eye. Grabbing one coin he told the bartender to keep the other. Our hero shot back the #5 and began convulsing, and shifted slightly to the right. This was enough and away he went back through the wall. Only to find himself back in the sauna with the two dogs, a psycho cat, a salamander and the most beautiful bitch he had ever set eyes on, and I mean eyes. She wasn't so much a dog, just pretty, and she knew it, used it to her advantage. I'm sure you've met the type. This sauna thing seemed pretty popular here.